Confusion

When I finally realized that don't think of him anymore... I don't look for him... and that I'm not stupid anymore... that's when I had a realization that yes... I've switched my feelings to this other guy.

For barely two years in College and another two more years after graduation.. I hoped... I prayed and I dreamed that one day... He will finally make an effort to tell me that the feeling is mutual.. but I just hoped.. prayed and dreamed for four long years.. still, nothing happens.

I want to laugh at myself fo being such a hopeless romantic and believed in fairy tale romance. Because now, I realized that those things only happens in dreams.. and dreams are only for the hopeless... and I don't want to be one of them.. (pagod na ako..)

It's just so ironic that you cannot get the one that you want while there are some who are begging for yours.

And then he came... literally, out of nowhere. In a place where I wouldn't imagined that I will find someone who will catch my attention. A place where falling INLOVE is a big no NO! But a place where LOVE is the law. It's not love at first sight.. definitely not. But when I first set my eyes on him... I knew that there's something. And it's hard to explain why. I just felt it.

The new emotion is a little bit scary.... in a sense that you know what you feel but you cannot express it. You know that it's not right... it's not possible. But you cannot teach your heart... you just have to fool yourself that you don't feel anything.. and I guess, that's the hardest thing to do.

I'm tired of signs... I've been looking and praying for it.. but that same signs just made me more confused... it took me nowhere.

I just let it all to Him. 'Coz I know that only Him is the responsible for all of these.